How to prepare for transition to assisted living

Q: My mother and I agree that it’s time for her to move to assisted living, but we haven’t yet begun looking because it seems daunting. How do we begin to know what she can take with her and what to dispose of? Pamela S., Rehoboth

A: Moving to an assisted living facility is quite a downsizing challenge, but one that can be managed. Nearly all senior communities encourage residents to bring meaningful items with them ... up to a point! When you and your mom have made the decision to look at communities in the area, you will find that most communities – or an independent senior advisor – can work with your mother to find the right option for her budget and space needs. This initial exercise, albeit daunting, will provide the blueprint for your downsizing challenge. All her small, special items such as photographs and a favored knickknack or two, are a no-brainer. She should take those. If your chosen community can accommodate a favorite chair, side table and lamp, put those in the “take” column. After that, it’s time to clean out the rest of the house – room by room, closet by closet. Make sure you know where all your mother’s important papers are. They are best kept by you, or by an attorney or other trusted advisor, for safety and ease of access.

Q: My parents have the habit of hiding money in odd places like coffee cans and plastic food containers in the freezer! They are getting ready to move, and I’m fearful they will forget where the money is, or that the movers will find it and keep it! What to do? Barbara C., Milton

A: Ah, yes. It’s a bit like a treasure hunt! My own mother used to keep money in books. As I pack houses, I instinctively leaf through books before packing them, just to make sure anyone with my mother’s habit gets their long-forgotten money back! I would recommend you – or someone trusted – help your parents in their pre-moving stage by going through the freezer, the books, cookie jars, small drawers ... anywhere they may have stashed some “mad money.” Any trusted professional will account for this money and make sure it is returned to your parents. This is also true of important papers, which we also find in unexpected places! Keep an eye out for those as well, and always know where the documents are (perhaps your house?) until they are settled in their new home. These easy steps will put all your minds at ease.

Q: I expect to move in the next year or two and am starting to sort through years of memories. Some things are easy to get rid of, but I’m waffling on other items. What to take? What to donate? Marilyn R., Bethany Beach

A: You’re building the dreaded “maybe” pile! Trust me, it’s always the biggest pile. You know what you want to keep. You know what you’re happy to part with. It’s the “maybes” that always haunt you. My advice to you is to revisit the pile frequently and try to pull out things that you haven’t used or even looked at for a year; you never really liked, but Aunt Gladys gave it to you, so you kept it; or you think a family member (or an entirely different family) might need/use/like more than you do. Once the “maybes” are pruned down to a manageable pile, I recommend taking things with you. You can always donate or gift them later, but you don’t want to regret having disposed of them too quickly or under pressure.