Celebrating Father’s Day the best way I know how

Looking ahead on the every-other-week schedule I’m sharing with colleague Ron MacArthur, I knew this column would be published the weekend after Father’s Day. I had every intention of composing something thoughtful about my dad teaching me the ways of the world and how I’m doing my best to pass those same ways on to my two kids.

Instead, I saw that Crooked Hammock in Lewes was hosting Dad Jokes: A Funny Fathers Open Mic Night, in conjunction with the release of a new beer called Dadventure, so I went to that. I mean, I write a column that features a joke at the end of each one. How could I not go?

Wearing a T-shirt that said “Rad Dad,” Baltimore-based comedian Erin Patrick was emcee for the show. He kept things moving and provided the audience with few groaners of his own:

• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Why. Why whooooo.

• Why do ducks have feathers? To cover up their butt quacks.

• What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry.

Guy Farmer, sporting a well-worn “Yoda best dad ever” T-shirt, got the competition started off right. He talked about growing up with the name Guy, made a joke about a father shark and son shark circling the people they were about to eat for an unnecessarily long amount of time because, the dad shark said, “You always want to clean the poop out first before eating them.”  And he did bust out the classic, “Boy, I just flew in from Cleveland, and my arms are tired.”

Jay Jolly seemed like he didn’t have kids, but he spouted off a few jokes that shows he’s ready for when he does. If he does have kids, my apologies.

• Why did the chicken coop have four doors, instead of two? It was a chicken sedan.

• How does a farmer count the cows in his field? A cow-culator.

• How do you know a joke is a dad joke? The punchline becomes a-parent.

Jream Hines, topped with a maroon hat that had the Rugrats logo on it, made the trip from Dover. The cousin of local musician Mike Hines, Jream had an obvious stage presence, and he had actual jokes that were funny. Being real jokes, it also means they don’t quite fit into this space very well – the setup is a little too long, but there was this one:

• He hates when his uncle calls him “Weenie Dude” and has pleaded with him to stop. Only to have his uncle reply, “Your stomach sticks out further than your weenie do.”

Lincoln Rose was an actual child. He was the first of roughly a dozen kids to get up on stage. He already has the one-liners down.

• These jokes are so punny, they might make you cry.

• This last joke is about pizza. It’s a little cheesy.

Some of the other kid-told jokes include:

• Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.

• Why is it so hard to play cards in the jungle? Because there’s so many cheetahs.

• When is a baseball player like a spider? When they’re catching a fly.

• What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

Being at the Crooked Hammock, the event took place during prime dinner-with-the-kids time. Were there a couple of gentlemen who probably enjoyed a few too many of the new beers? Yes. Some of their jokes required earmuffs for those youngsters in attendance. However, one of them provided one of the funnier moments when he refused to give the mic back to Patrick and proceeded to walk the stage in circles while continuing to tell his blue jokes.

In the end, Hines won. He was gracious in his victory – he won a Solo Stove fire pit – and he couldn't resist another joke – self-deprecating in nature – when he was brought back up.

“I have a special announcement to make; due to a medical condition, I’m still going to be fat this summer.” It drew another laugh. Many of the dads in the audience were drinking a beer thinking the same thing.

Joke of the Week:

Yes, even in a column that’s full of jokes, I’m going to include a Joke of the Week. I’ve asked for reader submissions, the readers have responded, and I want them to continue to. As always, send jokes to cflood@capagazette.com. This week’s joke is from Mellen.

Q: Did you hear about the new surgeon doll?

A:  It operates on batteries.