Athletes make up names for each other in summer sports

I needed no stimulus to alert and remind me that two days earlier I made a stupid mistake. I was slogging along the bike trail last Saturday afternoon listening to a blues classic “My dog’s still walking even though he’s walking slow,” (and I was relating in an old dog way) when I barked out loud, “His name is John Tadler not Tabler, you stupid idiot!” No offense to idiots everywhere. John was athlete of the week last Friday in the Gazette along with a picture of John and dog Louie in my column.

I first included John in the paper years ago when he was a swimmer for the Lewes Yacht Club named John Tadler. I had come away from two days of soccer where nobody knew anyone’s else’s name, and when F.C. Valhalla defeated Konoha Coffee on penalty kicks for the championship I asked for the name of the goalie for Valhalla and all I got was “Buttercup.”

In summer sports, athletes make up names for each other, not wanting to get too close and personal because friendships are fleeting and all dogs are free agents including “air snapping” Louie, John Tadler’s best friend.

CALIFORNIA GIRL - When I was teaching at Cape I didn’t know all 900 students in the building but if someone new walked down the hall between classes I instantly shouted “New kid!” and if you’ve ever been the new person in school or on the job, you know the look cannot be hidden. I was taking hundreds of pictures at last Saturday’s Highway One five-and-dime kilometer races in Dewey when I spotted a West Coast girl completing the 10K.

Springsteen sang, “I’m in Love with a Jersey Girl,” but it was the Beach Boys “I Wish They All Could Be California Girls” that rattled in my brain when I saw a pleasant and friendly looking super-fit triathlon type athlete completing the 10K in 45 minutes. She is Christian Joyce, winner of the 25-29 age group. She’s a former Cal State Fullerton basketball player, marathon runner and part-time skimboarder. Christian was in town with her boyfriend Paulo Pretto, who was competing in the pro division of the East Coast Skimboard Championships. Christian smiled for the camera because if she had been Jersey Girl I would have been told to “Get a job!”

PURSUIT ANGLE - Do you know the proper pursuit angle to take when chasing a faster person for the purpose of initiating a forced collision, which will send you both to the hard ground where you miss the tackle anyway then bounce multiple times before coming to rest? Football players have to be Hook
taught what should be known by instinct, which is if you goafter a moving target on a straight line by the time you can’t there the target is in a different area code. I watched part of Cape’s first football practice last Friday (the pursuit angle drill was in progress) and the really good news is “no notable no-shows,” just a couple hobbled-before-the-first-drill linemen who understand that chasing a fleet-footed running back results in significant negative net worth. Space eaters who protect gaps, (drink lots of water) you need lots of those people. A Temple defensive coach once yelled at practice “I want to see 11 hats on the football!” “Hey Coach, would you settle for 10?”

TROPIC THUNDER - Labels and words that describe medical syndromes don’t stay static but are always incorporated into the larger language lexicon where meanings and intent change. America is the slang and comedy capital of the Milky Way, which is a major reason why I love this country. The recent isolated outrage happened over a 60-second riff in the movie “Tropic Thunder” (a movie that grossed $135 million over the weekend) which uses the word “retarded” to make fun of actors who play mentally challenged characters.

I just don’t share the outrage because it isn’t related to people who need our help and understanding. Satire that misses can be the problem for the person who doesn’t get it until they turn violent; then it becomes everybody’s problem.

Last Sunday, near the end of the first half of a game between Trotter Select and Rocky Gorge Rugby, a muffed punt resulted in a-kick-the-loose-ball-into-the-endzone-then-fall-on it successful try for Trotter, its fourth unanswered score of the first half. A beastly, dirty faced, frustrated Rocky Gorge player yelled out, “Why we doing this? We look like a bunch of freaking retards!”

I considered going into protest mode, but on whose behalf? Real Alpha men getting frustrated and saying stupid stuff is just freedom of expression.

STICK THE LANDING - My grandmom Rose used to say, “Don’t teach big-old grown men cheerleader tricks because they will overuse them and eventually hurt somebody.”

Every sports fan knows the rugby scrum photo but a relatively new innovation is the sideline throw-in into the waiting stone mitts of a hoisted receiver. Plays are called out loud from the sidelines with hot color check downs to throw off the defense that isn’t listening but concentrating on their own hoisted defender. Counting decoys, multiple guys lifted into the air by grounded beef may chicken fight for the rugby ball. I saw lifted players, one from Baltimore-Chesapeake versus a Lancaster Roses Rugger, go after the same ball and the Baltimore guy went obtuse angle then was dropped by his teammates. He crashed sideways hard to the ground, smacking his shoulder and face and it was funny in a slapstick sort of way.

FRED PHELPS - Fred is the father of Michael. He is a retired state policeman. The parents separated when Michael was 9. So where is the dude? All the interviews and still no “Mission Impossible…Good Morning, Mr. Fred Phelps.” You know Fred has the dominant genes for swimming. According to The Baltimore Sun, Fred is a retired state trooper who lives in Linthicum, Md. He has not been much of a part of Michael’s life and has refused all interviews, but said he watches on television. Freddie Phelps must hang out and drink coffee and have annoying friends like all of us. The media will be after Fred, throwing money at him for an exclusive interview. If Fred turns down all offers of money to protect what’s left of the relationship with his son he hasn’t had much to do with, he must be a decent guy. Anyway I’ve moved on to Lolo Jones as my new Olympic hero.

SNIPPETS - Rumors without transubstantiation on my beat include Elena Delle Donne recently proclaimed no more basketball, attending Delaware and playing volleyball.

Former Cape point guard Kyle White left Delaware State to attend Goldey Beacom.

Kyle likes to push the basketball while Delaware State is all about slow down. And lacrosse coaches Mark D’Ambrogi and Jack Lingo are hoping to switch coaching titles without the program missing a beat.