He ain’t heavy; he’s my turtle

A three-legged dog limps into a Wyoming cowboy bar. “Can I help you?” asked the bartender. “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw,” the dog says. Last Saturday morning covering the Diamondback Dash at Indian River on the marina side of the road, I was tracking the movements of the turtle mascot, who in my opinion was way too chummy with a very young blond girl.

I thought to myself, “How lame,” to rock a mascot outfit just to get close to pretty girls. And so when I had a chance I asked the girl, “Do you know that turtle from a previous life?” “Yes, it’s my dad,” she said, with a tone only a high school girl can use when outing her father as a reptilian mascot. Eric Buehl, who works for the Center for the Inland Bays, is pictured with his daughter Katie, who is a student at Easton High School in Maryland. I told them my idea for a caption, “That’s no turtle - that’s my dad.” The turtle laughed, which they rarely do.

NITRO MAN - I was looking for the Diamondback Dash race last Saturday morning down to Indian River and rolled into the south side and wrong side parking lot for an unplanned “Where’s the race” conversation with Booth Man. “There’s a race around here somewhere?” I inquired. The likely retired some years earlier working in a booth too small to hold his alert and experienced brain guy gazed into my window and said, “I hope you brought your nitroglycerin.” I said, “I hope you know you look like Jim Rockford’s Pop.” Pop was played by Noah Beery Jr. who died in 1994 before taking the job at Indian River.

PHILLY WORLD CULTURES - Juan Castro got a “humped back” weak hit over the outstretched glove of shortstop Marco Scutaro with two outs in the eighth, wrecking the no-hit bid of Daisuke Matsuzaka, a Japanese pitcher we Philly people call Dice K, a distant cousin of Andrew Dice K and great-nephew of Murray the K.

What struck me out was the reaction of many Philly fans who put their hands together like Catholics at a high Mass and began to bow their heads repeatedly paying tribute to Matsuzaka like Obama did to “President” Hu Jintau of China. I’m sure cultures in the Eastern Hemisphere make some serious fun of us because beyond the bow of a Boston Whaler most of us understand nothing.

CHAMP BABY! - An eerie connection is what I see as Caroline Perry looks onto the field between the girls and boys lacrosse games. It’s odd that the undefeated Cape girls have both a Caroline and a Perry among their top players. It’s coincidental that the boys’ and girls’ dreams of a state championship will next run through Tower Hill. Champ Baby knows all about Tower Hill. Back in 1995 in the longest state championship game in any sport – eight overtimes - Cape’s Shelly Sentman sent home a game-winning penalty stroke as the Vikings won the state championship in field hockey. Shelly’s daughter is Caroline Perry “in the house” and I’m sure Caroline can see through to the finals but she isn’t talking; it’s all in the eyes.

SNIPPETS - I am a fan of flag football. It is just the best characters and athletes getting after each other and when it’s over however it lives on in the memories of those who played but not their parents; that’s what I like most about it. Give me a bowl of turtle soup and make it snappy!