If a sporting event happens and it isn’t reported, did it happen?

There’s lots of sports stuff going on out there one week before the summer solstice. Just let me say if you want my skill spun on your summer event, please let me know and if you’re not nice, the chance of me showing up is the same as me attending a family funeral where there is an open contract on me for too many family jokes nobody thought were funny.

A child’s soul - My line is always, “Little kids like me, but if they didn’t I wouldn’t care.” And so they sense that and like to say “Fredman”; it’s like I’m a giant muppet. I don’t pose kids for photos, otherwise you lose the window into their true soul. I took this picture last Saturday morning during the running of the Blue-Gold 5K in Lewes. Her name is Kaliah McFadden, which is Hibernian Hawaiian, and somewhere there’s a hollowed-out pineapple filled with Jamison’s image, but that’s my frame of reference. Kaliah is so cute but looks on somewhat skeptically at the blockheaded German behind the camera lens.

Delaqueers - Peppermint Patty Brown entered my world last Sunday after the running of the Dewey Beach Liquors 5K, asking me to admit to being Dave from the Cape Gazette. Patty wanted to know if I would snap a photo of the fabulous five running group, The Delaqueers. I was not taken aback but shot back, “If you guys are not gay, then that isn’t funny.” Someone from the group snapped back, “We’re not gay, but our girlfriends are.” And Maureen in the middle gave me a kiss on the cheek because she is great and we are friends and I gained instant gay credibility and quite frankly with straight women I have very little.

Mastiff morphs - I was watching a mastiff puppy go rope-a-dope trying to break free and chew a little golden retriever butt before last Sunday’s Dewey Beach Liquors 5K. I noticed that he and his owner had the same body type so I put my hand into the dog bowl and asked permission for the alike-type photo. George MecKary asked me if I was insinuating he looked like his dog, and a black man standing next to him said, “I suppose I own a chocolate lab.” I then asked George, “So what’s big puppy’s name?” and he said “Isabel,” and I considered introducing him to the Delaqueers but quickly dropped that thought.

Back to the banquet - Last month when the Cape girls lacrosse team beat Tower Hill 9-8 in the semifinals, coach P.J. Kesmodel told them, “The hard part is over, getting back to the championship game.” Kesmodel has been in lots of championship games in his career and has never lost one. But for me, the emcee who works for free and is still overpriced, I have been thinking of getting back to the banquet; two state titles in a row is pretty special, all personal bias aside. Wire to wire open nondivisional tournaments resulting in a state championship and undefeated season has only happened three times in the 41-year history of Cape and that’s about 820 cumulative seasons. They are the 1975 boys basketball team, the 1998 boys lacrosse team and the 2010 girls lacrosse team.

Snippets - A softball parent from another school began to joust with me a few weeks back, saying girls lacrosse wasn’t a real sport like softball. I glanced into his dugout and summoned an amended Haley Joe Osment line from “The Sixth Sense,” “I see fat people!” Talk about ugly to watch NFL offensive linemen running sprints in summer practice. We all have our prejudices for certain sports being more legitimate than others. My Grand Mom Rose always said, “You can run, swim, bike and lift weights all you want, but unless someone is trying to smack you in the head and bring you to the ground while you’re in motion it’s not a real sport.” Speaking of World Cup, Bob Marley wrote, “I don’t care where you come from, if you’re a black man you’re an African.” The athletes are exquisite and beautifully mixed, colorful and graceful, all in tremendous condition. And we still have Americans with underlying color issues here at home; it is just stupid.