Read something twice and if I don’t get it, it was probably written by a lawyer

I have more certifications than I can count, and I actually can count without a calculator or price-scanning bar code wand.

If I read something twice and don’t get it I know that none of my friends have gotten it either and it was probably written by a lawyer, to wit, per se, referring back to an a priori set of assumed facts no one understands.

I am tracking the DIAA transfer rules for athletic eligibility because there are none for academic eligibility because no one cares except for the algebra two teachers, “How did Frederick get in my class?” Initial reverberated rumblings vibrating like a cell phone in my pocket tell me that football, basketball and solid academic student/athlete Brandon Lewis, who transferred from Cape to Sussex Tech during ninth grade then from Tech to Sussex Central after 10th grade and also moved from Milton to Georgetown with his father, has been declared ineligible at Central by DIAA.

Let me throw on the pile a perception that certain interested parties are happy about this and also that the assembled membership of the DIAA board may include individuals with conflicts of interest.

Shoot, in downstate Delaware everything is a conflict of interest because we all know everybody and if you really want to see the skewing of the scales of justice go sit in the Court of Common Pleas on a Friday. Here’s the deal on the sports side of the street.

We all know the 411 on each other, and rocking the righteous card in declaring an athlete ineligible is a victory for no one. Stay tuned; this isn’t over.

Snippets - Beacon Middle School is looking for a girls volleyball coach for an intramural program. Practices will begin in September and end the last week of October. Please contact Dave Frederick at 645-6288 or email dfrederick@cape.k12.de.us if you are interested.

If you are interested in international skimming, and really, who isn’t, you may want to follow Team Skim USA based out of Dewey Beach which sends five skimmers to Santa Cruz, Portugal for the Ocean Spirit Festival Aug. 7 and 8. Representing Team Skim USA are Libby Rendell, 20, of Lewes; Perry Pruitt, 15, of Kitty Hawk, N.C.; Max Smetts, 17, of Nokomis, Fla.; Dan MacDonald, 20, of Rehoboth Beach; and coach Jason Wilson, 28, of Dewey Beach, who will also compete.

Go to skimusa.org for in-depth information.

Bob Paulen of Dewey Beach, the master track star in the 70-74 age group, often seen running hurdles on the Cape track, won a national title in the 300-meter hurdles at the recent U.S. Masters Track and Field Championships at California State University. Paulen ran 54.34.

Bob also won silver in the triple jump at 8.46 meters and placed third in the short hurdles in 14.28.

Sacramento State will be the site of the 2011 World Masters Championships in July 2011.

The life of a masters track athlete begins at age 30 but never ends.

Start training; there must be something you can do; not everyone can be an ironman. Chew on this - last Sunday, July 25, at an open masters meet in Atlanta, Douglas Kalembo, a day after turning 50, set a world age-group record by running the 400 meters in 49.8, breaking the previous record of 51.3 set in 1999 by former Delaware State track coach Fred Sowerby.

It is true that Cape threw a parcel of paraprofessionals unceremoniously out of the boat with weekend job-ending certified letters, and it’s most likely true that some to several of these real people may be called back, but no one is talking, because that would be keeping hope alive which is a catchy phase, but let’s get real here.

I can say for certain that no assistant football coach has been hired as a paraprofessional and none will be hired unless/until those riffed are offered an opportunity to come back.

I am not pandering to paraprofessionals; I have written before that they are the most overqualified and underpaid wing of the workforce at Cape, and if there is featherbedding at the Mattress Palace of Education it’s not paraprofessionals fluffing up the pillows.