Real guy kickoff weekend coming up

A laptop and two high-definition flat screens are the minimum required to follow football and baseball in September. I watched Brad Lidge blow a save in Houston last Saturday just by following his pitches on MLB.com while at the same time checking out a pair of football games.

I don’t tweet, although my leather recliner sometime squeaks when I reach for a “water ice” - my new addiction and more expensive by the ounce than beer. This is a real guy kickoff weekend coming up as high school and pro football sandwich the college game. From Thursday through Monday it is all football all the time except for cutaways to baseball.

Who is more annoying: the Geico Cavemen, the Progressive Girl or the Rollover Minutes Mom? The “no hot dog” rule is in play for me – every football season I save myself hundreds of sizzling tubes of fat and beef byproducts by just saying no.

PUNCHING A PROVOKER - Right there close up on ESPN LeGarrette Blount of the University of Oregon “sucker punched” Byron Hout of Boise State, who was an arm’s length from his coach, who appeared to be telling the stupid tackle to shut his mouth. When you play Oregon don’t forget to duck. Blount, a 1,000-yard rusher, had been shut down by Boise, and Hout thought it was a good idea to tease and taunt the hot-headed running back, who clocked Hout before going Ron Artest and charging the Boise fans in a serious antisocial “quack attack.” The fans were selling serious wolf tickets, taunting Blount even more. I always told players and students, “Don’t disrespect someone and leave them standing there because they are coming back to get you, and if you taunt someone in arm’s reach learn how to cover up and protect.” Blount was suspended for his year and career, and the sad thing is Hout was a dealer who brought the elements of the crime together and suffered no punishment.

NORWOOD CORRALS TOUCHDOWN PASS - Freshman Kyle Norwood, playing wide receiver for the Stonehill Skyhawks, corralled a 38-yard touchdown pass from Tim Morrison with 14 minutes left in the game and that proved to be the game winner in a road shootout at Division 1-AA Wagner, won by Stonehill 45-42. Stonehill will host American International College Friday, Sept. 11.

TEQUILA SUNRISE - Tila Tequila got choked - no joke - by steroid-enhanced Shawne Merriman, now please pardon me while I do the Big Shoe dance and try to figure out why, unlike the rest of America, I have no idea if Tila Tequila is a real or fictional person. Oh wait, “Reality TV Star.” I thought that was Merriman’s job?

Seriously, Merriman, just 25 years old, is best known for his lights-out dance after sacking a quarterback, and it is ironic that he is accused of going “lights out” on his girlfriend just to protect her from driving drunk. Didn’t I see this episode on the David Chappelle show?

NEPHEW SPEAKS TO FOOTBALL TEAM - My nephew Mike Frederick, a six-year player in the NFL with Cleveland, Baltimore and the Titans who also survived summer camps with Bill Parcells, then of the Jets, and Andy Reid of the Eagles, spoke to the Cape football team Friday, Sept. 4, on their last day of training camp. The players had plenty of questions after the talk and most showed plenty of class and hospitality coming up and shaking Mike’s hand afterwards.

Mike reinforced what I always say, which is no matter how far you go or what level you achieve in sports, going to battle with your high school buddies produces the best memories.

SNIPPETS - The Maryland women’s soccer team defeated visiting Santa Clara Friday Sept. 4, 1-0 to remain undefeated at 5-0. The Terps play at American University Wednesday, Sept. 9.

The Duke field hockey team coached by Rehoboth summer resident Beth Bozman is ranked No. 10 in the country. The Blue Devils are 3-1 on the season having already played three overtime games beating Michigan State and St. Joes’s while being upset by Drexel. Cape’s head field hockey coach Nicole Catanzaro is a former Michigan State captain. The Cape lacrosse carwash to raise money for injured teammate Brian Tappan raised over $7,000. Many community people stopped by to exchange $50 and $100 bills for brownies and cupcakes. I personally dropped a paper plate of baked goods onto a flat table surrounded by football coaches, and when the plate landed there was no longer any cargo of carbohydrates. I stayed up late Sunday night to watch Tim Stauffer of the San Diego Padres pitch against the Los Angeles Dodgers on ESPN Sunday night baseball and get a 4-3 victory. Tim is the nephew of Bill Schab of Lewes and is a former No. 4 pick out of Richmond University. I am looking for Elijah Worthy, former Cape running back and Gatorade Player of the Year. If you see him please have him give me a holler - it’s all good. It’s Amie and Ariel King, a cute picture of mother and daughter I had in the Friday Gazette but misspelled both their names because I’m a quirky distractible grandfather of seven masquerading as a sportswriter. The misspelling puts Amie and Ariel on the banquet list of thousands who someday will pay me to go away.

Mike Flacco is newest member of Delmarva Shorebirds. He is the younger brother of Baltimore Ravens’ Joe Flacco.