Things don’t always add up like your checking account

There is an old refrigerator in the converted closet that serves now as the Cape coaching office, and when everyone goes out to practice, it is closed with a padlock. This refrigerator is loaded down with pounds of lunch meat and mayonnaise and somewhere there is Wonder white bread.

Coaches Tom Ott and Dave McDowell are from the Philadelphia Catholic League just like me and we don’t say “cold cuts.” And when a slow end is thrown a lollipop pass over the middle in the second before the catastrophic collision, we may yell “lunch meat!”

COACHING QUIPS - I was at Glasgow last Saturday morning dragging my self up and down the Dragon sidelines when I heard the defensive coach - a young guy in his 20s - say to a player, “You look like Tarzan but you play like Jane.”

That’s why I love football people because they say stupid stuff - in this case where stupid is a good thing. Or after a Cape player leveled a cheap shot, Cape coach Joe Roberts told him, “You can be evil but you have to be calculating like Hannibal Lecter.” It’s all good in a “real guy” kind of way.

My favorite is when a player says, “Coach, I thought I had inside gap responsibility,” and the coach snaps back, “You don’t get paid to think,” and the player persists, “Yes but on a sprint out to my side…” and the coach barks, “You don’t get paid to talk either. Just shut up and do your job! We don’t need any thinking talking people out on the field!”

DOUBLE INSULT - Jimmy Rollins of the Phillies explained on the Greatest Dam Sports Show his impression that Philadelphia fans are front runners. He then explained correctly the definition of a front runner - then all the front-running fans turned on him.

Tim McCarver on a Saturday Fox telecast then went out of his way to say Philly fans are not front runners and that Rollins just picked the wrong word. I believe the context of what Rollins said is right because who needs fans who go into the tank when the going gets tough, which is a Philly trademark.

They have been merciless on Donovan McNabb, who is just a class act as long as he doesn’t have any opinions. I love Jimmy Rollins but the “run out of town” has begun and I’d advise last year’s MVP to ramp and amp up his game and to stick by his statements.

HORSE COLLAR - If you are thinking this is about shuffleboard, you need to stay out of bars. Last Saturday a Glasgow receiver caught a pass in his end zone and was snapped back to the ground by a Cape player using a horse collar tackle - inside rim of the shoulder pads - which is rude and dangerous but not illegal in high school.

The officials knew the rule was just enacted for colleges and already exists in pro football, but there is no rule against it in high school.

Chop blocks, crack backs and leg whips, but only the double team high low chop block is still legal in high school.

DNA - The bottom line in sports is DNA as some athletes are just better. Some athletes can see it, feel it and anticipate moves in advance; it’s just how they are wired. In sports things don’t always add up like your checking account. Just because an athlete does off-season league and travel stuff doesn’t mean he or she will be better than the athlete who doesn’t do those things. The sports arena is not a stage where justice plays itself out.

Sports are unfair just like life, so work and play hard and be courageous in those moments where outcomes don’t break your way. If you don’t learn that from sports you haven’t learned anything.

FORTY TONS OF CLAY - I was at a high school dance just scoping out Susie Thomas when a priest grabbed the 45 “A Hundred Pounds of Clay” from the record spindle and snapped it in half, considering it sacrilegious.

The Chinese imported 40 tons of clay for the Olympic baseball stadium and will now tear the house down because they don’t play baseball. That is just wrong! Snap!

ATHLETIC TRAINERS - Sports and outdoors are such a part of our culture, and lots of students pick college majors in areas that lead to few jobs and little money.

Speaking of games, which ones are we playing? A degree in sports management or parks and recreation leads exactly where? Physical therapy is popular, but now those specialists are all over the place working mostly in geriatrics and accident rehabilitations.

What about athletic training? Shouldn’t all schools be required to have at least one fulltime person for 23 interscholastic sports not counting middle school? And shouldn’t “the Trainer” be paid a teacher’s salary with full medical benefits and not be required to teach classes? That is not what is going on and many certified trainers are getting 20 hours a week and starving and looking to marry someone with a trade or other marketable skill and maybe a work van with their name on the side.

SNIPPETS - Hertford Gibbs, Sean Bradham, Mikey Saez, Juan Saez and John Boyer are some former Cape players who made the trip to Glasgow last Saturday to watch the football scrimmage.

This is pack up the car and head to college week for new freshmen, and parents who deliver them should remember to never speak on your freshman’s behalf if someone in residence ask them the question. “You don’t know the name of your dorm or room number”?

The University of Miami has suspended six players for the opening game, including starting quarterback Robert Marve against Charleston Southern - whoever they are - stemming from a stupid incident last spring where they were charged with breaking a car mirror. Charges were dropped but coach Randy Shannon told ESPN, “Some people may think this is a harsh decision, but one thing I do know is the little things, if you forget about them, they add up to big things and they cause a lot of problems for your team.”

But Coach, we talking Charleston Southern!