We just built a new high school, so why are we washing cars?

There has been no “blow back” from my column going full-bore super-soaker Shawala on a boosters club for putting three young girls - one related to me - out on the Route 1 - Freeman Highway dancing-on-the-concrete happy-feet pad, protected by only “this way to the car wash” cardboard shields. That’s cool, but peep this, yo: the car washes just keep coming, iced over with bake sales, and let’s not forget the selling of chicken. I wish some fat cats would step up and say, “I will pay you all not to do fundraisers!”

We just built a $78 million high school, so why are we all about washing cars? Back in 1985 I made a proposal to the Cape school board to establish a Sports Hall of Fame and Sports History Center. Suddenly I was blindsided with talk of fundraisers, and someone actually looked at me and said, “Have you thought about spaghetti dinners?” I responded, “Do you see Chef Boyardee sitting here?”

Transfer some money, allocate or reallocate, try a little nonfeasance or malfeasance, but the day you see me boiling pasta for the community is the day to make your peace with your maker or any member of the Maker family because it is the seventh sign.

NOW I’M DONE - I realize there are no written rules for booster club fundraisers, but that doesn’t mean they are not a good idea for noble purposes run by parents with no dollars but plenty of sense.

The lacrosse boosters are running an all-day car wash Saturday, Sept. 5, in the Apple Electric parking lot off Route 24 as a benefit for Brian Tappan, who suffered a spinal injury in an ATV accident. Donations of cakes and cookies will be graciously accepted, and sure, you can deduct the cake mix from the charitable donations section of your income tax return.

I have been assured by parent organizers that nobody will be standing out alongside the highway waving people into the car wash. A clean car and a wrapped-and-ready cake - is there a better way to start your day? The boosters club, which represents all of us, will use the monies raised to buy a new laptop for Brian. The email address for Brian is btapp@gmail.com.

INDIAN FILE - Cultural artifacts from this country’s fascination with cowboys and Indians movies remain in the world of sports and I doubt their historical accuracy. Did Indians ever play Indian poker? Unlikely! What about running Indian file - you know, where the person in the back surges to the front until most running braves drop off into the grass. Last Wednesday out at Cape football practice there was a drill I put in the category of “stupid human tricks,” where belly-down, head into the circle, except for popping up and running around, stepping over helmeted bodies before a flop back to the ground as a herd of agile to not-agile athletes step over you - one misstep and your kidneys won’t be worth donating. Did Indians actually do that for conditioning? No, they were way too mystical to be so silly. But put war paint on a football player on game night, and they will go crazy. I’ve seen it too many times, including coach Tom Ott’s Archbishop Ryan team, which I covered before Ott was eating half lines and running backs for dinner in Oklahoma drills.

CENTER OF GRAVITY - Do athletes have different gravity centers? Do you need a professional to explain that to you? I know plenty of low center of gravity males that cannot be blocked on the football field if they see you coming. It’s like blocking a boulder. That’s why the cheap shot and leg whip are sometimes necessary.

Now take a world-class high jumper. They are tall with a high center of gravity. It just takes leg thrust to lift them over the bar.

AMY AND ARIAL – Arial King, just 5 months old, is getting socialization you just can’t pay for. She is shown here at practice – we’re talking practice - with her mother Amy who is a Cape English teacher and coach of the cheerleading squad. Passing a kid around the cheerleading squad does wonders for trust and self-confidence, and I’m now looking for a joke, but I learned my lesson years ago - “Cheerleaders ain’t no joke!”

SNIPPETS - The popular fall flag-football league, organized and orchestrated by player/commissioner James Botti of the Sussex Family YMCA, will begin play Sunday, Sept. 13. Richard Lantz, a player on the last six championship teams, tells me that quarterback Joey “The Mouse Torturer” Cahill is in Florida this fall, but I wouldn’t put it past Joey to show up at the last minute - prove he is on the roster - before continuing his persecution of helpless defenders.

The Maryland women’s soccer team, now tracked in the column because of Lydia Hastings, defeated Loyola 5-2 and is now 4-0 on the season. The Terps host nationally ranked Santa Clara Friday, Sept. 4.

West Chester is at Delaware Sept. 4 with game time at 7 p.m . The game can be found on television, but you will have to find it yourself.

My Blue Hen buddy, John Miller, recovering from recent back surgery - I told him not to collision me in the 1965 Temple game - will be watching the game at home.

I’m guessing John has not missed many Blue Hen openers since he walked on campus as a math major back in 1960.

There will be a home Cape football scrimmage beginning at 11 a.m., Saturday, Sept. 5, at Legends Stadium. The football is free but the barbecue you smell costs $7 for a quarter chicken and that includes chips, a drink and a football preseason “what’s up?” The chicken will be sold until 4 p.m.

Look for Tadeo Gonzales this cross country season. The Cape wrestler has been tearing it up during track workouts.