What does a Tiger do in the woods besides prowl for bimbos?

There are scores of idealized gym people who are regimented and augmented, not to mention performance enhanced, so the rest of us have no chance. And now what does a Tiger do in the woods besides prowl for bimbos? You can add Tiger Woods to the list that includes Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Alex Rodriquez, Marion Jones, Donovan Bailey, Lance Armstrong and the man who brought the roid-rage eyeball bulge to our living rooms - sprinter Ben Johnson.

Toronto doctor Tony Galea - always packing HGH for personal use - is renowned in the community of elite athletes with no common sense for a process called platelet-rich plasma therapy, or PRP, which involves putting a patient’s blood in a centrifuge to separate the platelets then injecting the blood back into the patient.

In the case of Tiger and Bonds, it also makes your arms grow magically bigger without proof of ever picking up a curl bar. Finnish distance star Lasse Viren won the Woolworth Double, the 5K and 10K, in the 1972 and 1976 Olympics. Viren trained at altitude and was accused of blood doping - getting a transfusion of his own highly oxygenated training blood right before he raced. Viren also had a resting pulse of 32. He has always denied the charge, stating he doesn’t like needles or even kidding around.

TETRA SHOCKLEY - Tetra graduated from Cape in 1998 as Tetra Whaley. She is the sister of Cape athlete Ray Jackson and her mother, Vanessa Jackson, is a Miller and before the kinship tree runs out of branches, I emerge as her Great-Uncle Fredman.

The married Tetra Shockley is the package of power, poise, beauty and intellect. She is now in her first year of law school at Widener with a concentration in family law in case she ever has to defend herself after protecting her brother. She is running for Mrs. Delaware United States. Tetra currently carries the title of Mrs. State Capitol. The pageant is May 15 at the Smyrna Opera House – yes, that does sound strange. Sponsorships can be mailed to Moore Pageant Productions Inc., 560 People Plaza 242, Newark, DE 19702.

Tetra lives in Dover with her husband, Jerome Shockley, and 2-year-old daughter Tierra. Tetra used to come out of the stands at Cape high school basketball games and do back handsprings the length of the court. And once, at a baseball game at Cape, a Caesar Rodney third baseman took a swing at baby brother Ray after he slid hard into third base. The next sound was the same third baseman blocking a punch from the flying Tetra with his head. She is exactly the Mrs. Delaware we all need to represent the First State.

IRONY AND AGONY - My Aunt Pauline died last Wednesday, but I’m not welcome at the Friday funeral in Philly. Then Wednesday night, I walked into the Cape wrestling locker room and heard coach Chris Mattioni say, “You all better be at practice tomorrow unless your aunt dies.”

I blurted right out, “Hey, my aunt did die, what an ironic and tragic coincidence.”

I loved Aunt Pauline, but in 1992 I wrote a book of short stories and made fun of several aunts and most cousins, saying they all resembled sea creatures. My own grandfather called my cousin Harry Frogman. The family pitched me, specifically saying if someone dies I shouldn’t show up. Now that’s a directive I can live with. Pauline’s late husband, my Uncle Cholly, a Navy World War II vet, claimed to have survived numerous kamikaze attacks, and I asked him how, and he answered, “They missed.”

PICTURE WINDOW - I call the four frames for Athletes of the Week picture windows, and they have been filled every week for the past 17 years. I am currently reserving one window for an out-of-town athlete and holding them to the highest standard of being a student-athlete. Last week it was Corey Crawford of Dover, and this week it’s Marques Jones of Milford - both tremendous athletes and top-notch students and leaders in their schools. And they are African-American young men, which I believe is relevant in terms of pushing talent to the top levels.

Back in 1991 I pulled African-American Cape freshman Cliffone Howell aside and told him he was a chosen person, just so very smart, and that he should run point and be a leader. I took Cliff down a hallway, and we gazed into an honors classroom. There were no minority students. I suggested we change Cliff’s schedule just to help those students so they didn’t think the world was composed of all people who looked like them.

Cliff said, “Are you nuts? I don’t see any fun people. I want to learn, but I also want to laugh like in your class.”

There was another class up and running, Advanced Placement European history, and it was filled with 100 percent Euro-Americans and, of course, there was no Advanced Placement African history class, which sends a way-wrong message. I prefer the message sent out by the Black Eyed Peas - “One Tribe Ya’ll!”

By the way, Cliff is a college graduate and out there kicking it and making a difference.

SNIPPETS - The YMCA flag football championship at 10 a.m. Sunday morning, Dec. 20, in Rehoboth features OutKast versus Jungle Jim’s.

Maxine Fluharty was named Delaware’s Player of the Year and first team All-American last week. She’ll be leaving for Chula Vista to the Olympic Training Center Feb. 12 to train for the first-ever Youth Olympics in Singapore (August 2010). The qualifier for the Youth Olympics will be in Uruguay this March.

Go get’em Super Max!