Who is in charge and responsible for students at a fundraiser?

Boneheaded is the word I’m trying to avoid but it is the only word left for me to match with field hockey boosters. Last Sunday there was a car wash to raise funds for fun, and that I understand, but my own 13-year-old granddaughter standing on a concrete triangular pad where Route 1 meets Kings Highway holding a sign with an arrow - this way to the Cape car wash - just trumped all my stupid human tricks, and I can go spontaneously stupid with the best of them.

Who sends someone else’s child out to a treacherous and notoriously dangerous cutoff to fend off early morning Bloody Mary bar veterans, post-road race “I run a 5K then drink beer for 90 minutes” celebrators, not to mention distracted text messagers with no tangible friends, to say nothing of the permanently bewildered looking for the ferry sign. So here comes the question followed by a lesson.

Who’s in charge and responsible for students when a team meets for a school fundraiser?

“I play ball - I don’t sell chicken.”

And don’t say the captains because captains are kids when we are talking high school. Listen, I am “kool with kooky,” but this brings to light the need for a district policy to regulate using athletes to raise funds.

JEALOUS AGAIN - I’m not exactly jealous of a 72-year old hurdler, just envious that Bob Paulen gets to travel and compete for age medals as far away as Australia. Bob will compete in the Maryland Senior Olympics this weekend and later the Delaware Senior Olympics before heading to Australia in October.

Right now I am competing against myself in certain secret ways.

If I accomplish my goals, I’m stealing one of the hundreds of unclaimed trophies in the back of the Seashore Striders van and having it engraved before inducting myself into the Fred Hall of Fame where other family members can grovel for inclusion.

THE JOINT’S NOT JUMPING - The parking lot at the Total Joint Replacement Center had no spaces last Wednesday, which I found as funny as sitting under a flat-screen television for 50 minutes tuned to Fox, listening to a stapled together Medicare-card-carrying crowd growling at every mention of Obama, Biden and Ted Kennedy.

I’m a bit of a Liberal Lion myself - more of a Food Lion -but that crowd would have shredded me headfirst like a turkey at a Palin political rally. My new hip looks awesome on the x-ray; I’m now walking three miles a day except for the days when I don’t.

BITING THE BIG HOUSE - The demolition crew bit the Big House right out of existence earlier this week. All that remained was the scoreboard listing the starting lineups from a 1978 girls basketball game. I walked around the new school last Wednesday, and it was so awesome I offered to come back and work for free if they gave me a room, but I was told I priced myself out of the market. I’m still looking for the poser who pilfered my podium.

SNIPPETS - Greg Smock, the new basketball coach at Woodbridge High School, wanted to thank several local businesses who donated funds to the school’s basketball boosters fund. Those include the RRM Carpenter family, Emmert Auction Associates, Ken Simpler, Rehoboth Amoco, Man Maid Cleaners, Dennard Quillen family, Thoroughgood Appliances, Bay Road Package and Captain’s Table Restaurant, Mr. and Mrs. William Joseph, Mike Klingel and Capriotti’s Sub Shop. Greg also wanted to thank William Jones, former Cape All-State power forward who also did a great job coaching junior varsity basketball at Cape, for being his lifelong friend, but I told him I didn’t have space for sentimentality.

Cape lacrosse player Brian Tappan was very seriously injured two weeks ago in an ATV accident. Cards and correspondence can be sent to Brian at Magee Rehabilitation Hospital, Room 552-2, 1513 Race St., Philadelphia, Pa. 19102-1177. The Magee Rehabilitation Hospital is considered one of the best in the world in treating spinal cord injuries.

Cassie Walker, a stupendous artist and a 1988 Cape graduate, is now doing custom oil portraits, which make a great gift for graduation or a birthday and, no, I don’t get a discount. All paintings will be in oil on canvas. Email Cassie at cassie@lightbluedot.com.

A beginner senior volleyball class for women (45-70+) will be held this fall on Tuesdays from 7-9 p.m. starting Sept. 8, at Georgetown Middle School at 301 W. Market St.  Renew your old volleyball skills or learn to play the game if you’ve never played before. Official rules will be taught and games will be played for fun.  After taking this class, new players may form a team to enter in the Senior Lo-Del Volleyball League that plays on Thursday nights.  You may register for the beginners class online at irsd-adulted.com. For more information call the instructor, Marion Lisehora, at 934-9512.

By ending this column with public service announcements I build up credits in case I’m ever sentenced to paint the concession stand at the Little League park.