In sports, fairness isn’t part of that quadratic equation

There ain’t no justice in sports and if sports truly prepares a person for life - the microcosm argumen t - they teach an awareness that hard work, preparation and dedication give us the best chance to be successful, but fairness isn’t part of the quadratic equation.

Manny Ramirez, living on what Jim Rome calls “Planet Man Ram,” is either the consummate athlete or nonathlete - it depends on how you look at him.

Manny was suspended for 50 games for taking a female fertility drug - tap into that rage - and when he came back to the Dodgers he was a hero like he had just been released by the Taliban.

Manny came off the bench in the sixth inning last Wednesday night on Manny Bobble Head night and belted a grand slam in a 6-2 win over the Cincinnati Reds.

Reds manager Dusty Baker said, ‘’It doesn’t get more dramatic than that - a grand slam on your own bobblehead night. That’s the stuff that I’d seen out of Barry Bonds and Hank Aaron.’’

Hold it, Dusty! Don’t bring Hank into the steroids or bobblehead era of sports. And so the cheater circles the bases to thunderous applause and Dodger fans shake his bobblehead likeness into the air. Manny, with 537 home runs, passed Mickey Mantle for number 15 on the all-time list. He is 10 home runs behind Mike Schmidt. Here are six players in the top 15 whose names are linked to performance enhancing drugs: Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, Mark McGwire, Alex Rodriguez, Rafael Palmeiro and Manny Ramirez.

ALL THE TOOLS - Phillies announcer Gary “Sarge” Mathews, speaking about Milton Bradley of the Cubs, said, “He has all the tools but no toolbox.” I think anyone who has ever coached fell out of their recliners.

We have all “coached that kid,” the one with a world of talent who just couldn’t put it together, and like the tool you need but can never find.

Following the “ain’t no justice theory,” if that athlete worked hard and pushed his talent he would dominate, but most athletes don’t really know how to push it, which is why you can always outwork most people but not necessarily guys rocking raging hormones.

AS TIME GOES BY - A year after an alleged sexual assault an Arizona woman - hotel casino employee - has filed a $380,000 civil suit against Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger for raping her after she showed up in his hotel room with all the tools and no tool box to fix his television. I am following this case in the hometown paper - the Pittsburgh Post Gazette - and I’d say the coverage has been professional and careful. No criminal complaint has ever been filed and criminal charges are unlikely to be filed.

Michael Jackson paid $20 million to have a suit dropped. Kobe paid and his accuser went away and now Big Ben is on the clock.

SMART TO STUPID - Most people who make a decision that blows up their lives wake up smart and go to bed stupid. Somebody who knew ESPN’s Erin Andrews went reverse peep hole on her, filming the “sexy sideline reporter” standing naked in front of a mirror combing her hair.

First of all, who does that for five minutes and, secondly, how does a person reverse a peephole in a door to shoot straight on to the one place it would work? Something is way wrong with this story and I believe some really smart to stupid characters are going to emerge. I can’t wait!

SLOW AND STEADY - I’m an alpha dog so physical therapists have cautioned me to be prudent and not push myself after hip surgery but allow the area to heal. Speaking of healing, 90-pound Darby Dog - an alpha goofball - has already sprinted under my walker and between my legs and it was a bit of the sticky wicket. It is those tennis balls on the walker legs. He wants to retrieve me.

SNIPPETS - The Senior League softball World Series will begin in Roxana Sunday, Aug. 9. Laurel gets an automatic invite having beaten Georgetown/Millsboro 7-1 for the District III championship. WGMD with Anthony Joseph will broadcast many of the games.

Tyler Townsend is struggling at the plate for the Aberdeen Ironbirds batting .148 after 14 games which includes 20 strikeouts in 54 at-bats. I record that here so we can accurately follow the Tyler Townsend journey and there is no doubt in my mind that he will start to hit.

Other Cape players who made it to minor league teams include Benny Wiltbank, a pitcher drafted in the 15th round by the Pirates in 1977; Obie Maull, catcher for the Orioles in 1981; and Brian Mifflin, an outfielder for the Mets in 1994.

Amanda Warrington will move from Beacon to the junior varsity hockey team to assist coach Elizabeth Lingo. And Jackie Warrington, recently hired by Beacon, will assist Aunt Patty Jo Mock along with Christy Smith.

Come holler at your dog!