It all comes down to great athletes making plays

I camped out on dog garage couch early Sunday to watch Delaware State play Southern on ESPN. Three hours and 15 minutes later they were still playing. Did I stay put and watch the entire game? Heck no, but after three days of endless games and grammatically poor, non-original commentary, I concluded that with the millions invested in a college program, it all comes down to great athletes making plays. I remember former Cape coach Bill Muelheisen quoting legendary Bill Billings of Middletown: “If their folks are better than your folks, then their folks usually win.”

Pappy was a rolling stone - Coach John Parker was on the pitch and got rolled at last Saturday’s scrimmage and before anyone could laugh the former power lifter sprang back to his feet. John said to me, “I was thinking with your new hip, what if that happened to you?” I told John I am like a strong safety who is gun shy; I am on the back pedal when I leave the house in the morning. I see people flow my way and I bail, hoping my escape route isn’t blocked, because if it is some poor cheerleader is going down. I watched as much college football as I could stand last weekend and saw a few sideline spectators with credentials or neon vests get obliterated, caught up in the wash like a dirty sock in the spin cycle. I know my day is coming, and if it happens on Friday night the Cape stands will have a collective belly laugh - and if you’ve seen some of the bellies it will be a seismic event.

Hey Norton! - I love Indian River defensive coordinator Mike Norton; he has been a friend of mine through sports for a long time. Mike is an analytical and intellectual football coach who doesn’t wantonly make it up as he goes employing red dog blitzes or coming with corner fires. Cape’s offensive coordinator Herky Billings is the perfect foil for Norton. You won’t see Herky looking down at some color-coordinated chart with 200 plays trying to pick one for a third and 7. Herky prepares and works hard on the game plan and most of what he wants to do will be based on what he sees Friday night. Herky likes to relax doing crossword puzzles. “I can’t do those New York Times puzzles,” Herky said. “There’s too much Greek mythology. I must have been sleeping when that was being taught.”

Parrot eggs - School has started and thousands of teachers are giving the ‘importance of education’ speech, but I’d have to say that most of what we almost learn goes flying out the window like a European night hornet chased by a snapping retriever, but that’s just my house. Last week my visiting 6-foot-5, 290-pound nephew Mike, a former NFL player who graduated from UVA with close to a 4.0 before getting an MBA from North Carolina with a perfect score, was asked by his 10-year-old daughter, ”Dad, do parrots lay eggs?” Mike looked to me for help but I returned the “I didn’t do my homework” stare and Mike said, “If they want to they can.” We both laughed, realizing we had climbed to the top rung of the higher education ladder but took a called third strike on the parrot question.

I asked all the assembled 11 Fred children of the newest generation, “What do you call a parrot in a sleeveless shirt?” There was silence. “An egg beater.” Jokes is what I do; knowledge is just the tool.

Snippets - I don’t play fantasy football. I don’t like to confuse my fantasies with a contact sport played by mostly men. I do play in a pool, usually with a wet noodle. No seriously, I am in Tim Clausen’s Big Dawg Pool and each week get dogged by mostly Georgetown and Millsboro players and so I know an NFL gambling addiction - does $25 count? - will deplete financial resources; it’s just too unpredictable. I’ll pick three sure bets right here: New Orleans over Minnesota, Green Bay over Philly and Dallas over Washington. Turf field two will host its first contest this Saturday at noon as the Vikings welcome Upper Dublin. Emily Hitchings found the back of the cage with 3 minutes, 23 seconds left in overtime and handed Upper Dublin a 2-1 season-opening, non-league win over visiting Hatboro-Horsham in field hockey Friday, Sept. 3. Cape coach Nicole Catanzaro is a graduate of Upper Dublin and was later the captain at Michigan State her senior year, 1999, having lettered all four years, and can probably answer all questions of science related to parrots, unlike football guys.

I wish all teams would go back to one captain for the season and one honorary game captain for each game. Sometimes the choice of kids for captain is not the same choice as coaches, in which case most coaches cheat. Say it ain’t so!