Why make changes? Safety, serenity, scope for new growth

Q: Every time I visit my parents – both in their upper 80s and living in a three-bedroom home – I worry about their safety. Neither moves particularly well, and on occasion, my father uses a cane to steady himself. I’m worried that their home is not the most suitable environment for them, but they shut me down when I bring up the subject of moving. Any thoughts? Jayne M., Fenwick Island

A: Well, perhaps there’s a compromise. Rather than a move to a new home, a redesign of their current living spaces may give them a greater degree of safety and you a greater degree of comfort. First, look at the layout and décor of the main living area. If there are throw rugs that are tripping hazards, try to convince your folks that they should be removed. If there are pole lamps, make sure they are placed away from the main walking lanes and that cords are coiled and out of the way. Furniture should be spaced in a way that allows for free mobility between the pieces and around the room. No shimmying around coffee tables or chairs! This may require eliminating some nonessential items.

In the bathroom, where way too many accidents happen, there should be a walk-in shower or walk-in tub, with grab bars near the shower/tub and the toilet. This may require a small renovation, but it will be less costly than a move. And in the kitchen, it’s all about functionality. The pots, pans, and counter appliances most often used should be easily accessible. The higher shelves in cabinets should be cleared so your parents are not tempted to climb a stepstool.

These can be delicate conversations, so be sure to focus explicitly on safety-oriented changes. In addition, you may want to consider getting a non-medical companion to visit a few days a week to help with cleaning, cooking and socialization. Explain your concerns calmly, listen to their thoughts, and see how it goes. They may welcome suggestions that allow them to stay in their home!

Q: I am just beginning my decluttering exercise after 30 years in my home. Before I start throwing things away, what should I be keeping in case certain things are worth more than I know? Philip E., Milford

A: Good for you, Philip! Decluttering can be a multistage process and believe me, you’ll feel a sense of relief as you start to organize your life. The first is the whirlwind, where the obvious unneeded/unloved stuff gets donated or thrown away. Then more specific decisions get made on the second pass, considering who among your family or friends may want certain items, and – to your point – what items may bring you some return. There are the obvious items with intrinsic value, like jewelry. But there are other things we find during our auctions that are usually good sellers: vinyl records, vintage board games (with all the pieces and in an original, undamaged box), and old tools. Sometimes, old cookbooks can bring in some money, as can early-edition classics of any genre. You can also look at eBay as a way of gauging the worth of some things, but make sure to see what items actually sold for, not just the amount sellers are asking. Always remember, if you’re considering selling anything, it is only worth what someone will pay for it. Good luck!

Q: Our last child has finally moved to his own apartment, but didn’t clear out the room I had hoped to turn into a sewing/craft room. A lot of his junk is still with us! Help! Rhonda M., Rehoboth Beach

A: It sounds like your empty nest isn’t so empty! In a perfect world, your son would have taken all his stuff with him and left you with a clean space from which to work – but perfect worlds are hard to find. First, exercise some tough love: Set a deadline, being clear with your son about how long he has to clean out the room, and find out which items he would like to keep but can’t take at this very moment. Second, there are some things you can do on your own: Dispose of any broken or outdated electronics, toiletries, decorative items (pillows, wall hangings) you don’t want; sell or donate items that may have some value to another family, like clothing, his old toys/action figures, and books. Finally, ask your son – in your best firm mother’s voice – to kindly find another storage space for items he’s identified as wanting in the future. Maybe it’s your attic or basement, or better yet, maybe it’s elsewhere. As long as it isn’t in your new craft/sewing room!