Signs around Milton tell various stories

With the big election coming up, there are more signs around Milton than ever. I, for one, don't wish to wear my political heart on my sleeve. As one who flunked lettering along with perspective drawing and ceramics in college, I don't like lettering anyhow. Alright, I did receive D's in these subjects, which passed me due to the mercy of my art professors.

My sculpture professor, a favorite of mine, is one who gave me A's in everything else and was a hard grader who was also the lettering teacher. We had worked in plaster in his sculpture class, so I fashioned a block out of plaster and inscribed in it: "I hate lettering!" He laughed. Fortunately, humor has often gotten me by in life.

My handwriting looks like something on a doctor's prescription pad. Fortunately, my husband Jeff, who has to transcribe these handwritten manuscripts of mine, is an excellent letterer, and I pay him $10 every time for the ordeal. So all of these signs and lettering really bother my artist's eye. Telephone wires and poles would have offended the ancient Greeks, too.

These "hope" signs popped up all over Milton as a palliative during the pandemic and have since then proliferated like mushrooms. It was a gentle sign then, much like its cousin, "You have my thoughts and prayers." Both homilies. To me, to merely hope is passive, to just sit back and do nothing. At least think and try to do something!

I won't get into the platitude, "You have my thoughts and prayers," but you may know what I mean. It's like, "Thank you for your service." Some religious signs around town have meaning and can even be a tad humorous. There was a church sign along Union Street in Milton that caught my eye the other day as I drove along trying to observe the speed limit signs and the ever-present Milton Police who lurk there. It said, "Don't ruin an apology with an excuse." I had just called someone out on a lack of gratitude and got an apology which would have sufficed, but then a very weak excuse was added.

Sometimes the apology can even be insulting, so just leave it alone. An example is, "I had something more important to do." It would have taken three minutes to say I'm sorry on the device, let alone calling on the telephone, which is now practically extinct. Texting is an easy way to get out of calling, which seems to represent the manners of the past in general. It's a way to play ostrich and avoid people in particular.

There is also the "Speeding is Rude" sign at the south end of Chestnut Street. Speeders don't wish to be polite – just the opposite. The sign just brings out the rebel in them, and they are probably angry anyway. They speed by my house and even backfire in defiance! There are already a bunch of speeding signs around town. The town just put up a big, fluorescent red-orange "New Traffic Pattern" sign in front of my picture window facing Chestnut Street. I am thankful for the new four-way stop signs at the end of the next block, so I will endure. Orange is my favorite color anyway!

Then there are the "Free" signs that appear on trash cans right around collection day. I saw a Mr. Coffee pot on top of a trash can along Manship Alley the other day. I've always thought, by the way, that this road should be renamed "Pam Bounds Alley." Just something I was hoping for. Now it’s made public; good for me!

We once put out a still-usable microwave oven, covered in my paint fingerprints. It was still OK with me, as I didn't want to be bothered with worrying about my finger marks anyhow. A truck pulled up right on cue, picked it up, and carried it off to its new life. I hope the guy’s wife has a lot of Brillo pads.

Right after the recent sidewalk sale, there was a harvest of frames set out with a "Free" sign. I drove there to look them over. A woman was loading up the one I wanted and needed, among other things she could have. I asked her where she was from and she said "Millsboro," just driving by. I said, "Well, I'm from Milton!" and she handed over the frame I wanted.

It was very polite of her, but of course, I didn't just "hope" that she would be generous – I asked!