I’ve recently become a current events expert. Previously, any discussion of the state of the world involving me, would go something like this. Me: “Can you believe what’s going on in the world? I mean, really, unbelievable! Something has to change, that’s for sure! It’s all about being an informed citizen! Remind me-- who’s president again?”
Nowadays, I ace the radio news quizzes, and I am equally comfortable I.D.ing both the leader of Slovenia (Nataša Pirc Musarand, of course) and the winner of the 2024 Masters (Scottie Scheffler)—or is it the other way around?
Paying it forward, it is my duty to drag you, my readers, along the path to enlightenment. To that end, I have devised my own ripped-from-the-headlines news quiz! As all of these events occurred during this past week, it should be easy-peasy for you. It’s fun, and the winner gets my voice on their voicemail message!
Ready?
We may be in the middle of the Paris Summer Olympics, but the IOC is already announcing the site of the 2034 Winter games. The winning city is which of the folloiwing?
Oymyakon, Siberia (Motto: Frostbite Capital of the Arctic Circle!)
Death Valley, CA (Motto: We’ve Climate Changed!)
Answer: Salt Lake City, UT (Motto: Haha, Fooled You!)
Kamala Harris announces her running mate today. Who will she pick?
Answer: Usain Bolt (get it?)
The Fed just released the latest numbers on the economy. What were they? Good? Bad?
Answer: Both are correct, depending on your political affiliation.
.
The hottest day on record for the planet occurred last week. Where was it?
Answer: Megan Thee Stallion’s Hot Girls concert in Chicago.
British classical music’s major summer music festival is underway. What’s it called?
The Cotillions
The Raves
The Proms
Burning Bloke
Answer: The Proms (though I like the sound of Burning Bloke)
Crowdstrike, the cybersecurity software company, was responsible for a massive computer outage that delayed or cancelled thousands of flights recently. What did Delta announce?
They are refunding the stranded passengers.
They are suing Crowdstrike.
They are reverting to Windows 3.1
Answer: They are suing Crowdstrike--what, you think they’re refunding the passengers?
This week’s top-grossing movie was:
Despicable Me 4
Inside Out 2
Twisters 3.1
Deadpool/Wolverine
Answer: Deadpool/Wolverine, which I hear is Marvelous
Infielder Paul DeJong this week was traded from the Chicago White Sox to the Kansas City Royals. The two teams happened tbe playing each other when the trade was announced. What did DeJong do?
Answer: Played 4½ innings for both teams, changing uniforms halfway through, as “The Stripper” was performed on the stadium organ.
Debby is a wild tropical storm, but its name is too cute. What should the next hurricane be called?
Stormy
Deadpool
Wolverine
Answer: Stormy (followed by Windy and Scary)
Who named this the best news quiz of the week, if not the century?
Answer: Me
Tally up your score. How’d you do? That’s great!
Now, what would you like me to say on your voicemail message?
-
I am an author (of five books, numerous plays, poetry and freelance articles,) a retired director (of Spiritual Formation at a Lutheran church,) and a producer (of five kids).
I write about my hectic, funny, perfectly imperfect life.
Please visit my website: www.eliseseyfried.com or email me at eliseseyf@gmail.com.
